Perspective (a follow up post)

So, my earlier post today was about The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

And when The Husband called me a few moments ago to discuss how we are going to handle "the mess" which is our car situation (or lack thereof), our time (etc.) limitations, and the constant influx of not-so-fun (shhhh... crap) that keeps happening, I had a moment of that "Neon Sign" perspective I'm always asking God to impart on me.

It kind of hit me like a punch in the gut and I suddenly wanted to make everyone fuzzy blankets and cuddly lovies to help make the world a happier place.

Here we are, complaining about our financial woes, our stressful vehicle situation, and the steady steam of travel that hits this time of year... all the while, the man who hit our car today was distracted because his wife of over 50 years had recently passed away.

Yeah, it took me that long to have it sink in, but when it did, oh man, did my heart ever ache.

What is a minor, temporary inconvenience for me is the symptom of a deeper pain and omnipresent void being felt by another human being.

As he apologized, the man who accidentally backed into me explained that he wished his wife was here, because she's the one who did the shopping and he wouldn't have even been at the store if she were still alive.

At that moment, I wished I was a bajillionaire miracle healer... because if I were, I would be able to just take care of things and let this not be another reminder of his pain.  I wanted to scoop him up and tell him how sorry I was - sorry for the pain he was experiencing, sorry that I was driving a rental car which complicates things, sorry that I had rushed my kids out of the house because 10 seconds would have put me further down the lot.   I wanted him to be healed because I knew that his wound wouldn't be fixed as easily as my ruined bumper.

And as I shared all of this with The Husband, I found myself thinking that I need to slow down.  Things may seem (shhh... crappy) sometimes, but I definitely needed - and received - some perspective.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Old - And Thankful

This has been one of the most insanely hectic weeks in a very, very long time.

I had two IEP's to attend, several letters to write, meetings to go to, social obligations to fulfill, and all the while still maintain my role as wife, mother, cook, housekeeper, and superhero.  

To celebrate the end of chaos and welcome in the weekend before my birthday, I went to Athens to hang out with my brother's girlfriend for a girl's night out.

I realized two very important things: 1) I am old.  2) I am thankful to be old.  

I would not be in my early twenties again for all the money in the world.  

Don't get me wrong... I would LOVE to have the body I had back then.  I would also thoroughly appreciate the energy that I had.  

But the rest? Fuuugetaboutit!!!

I'm so much more comfortable in my skin now than I was 10 years ago - stretch marks and all.  I'm so much more confident in my decisions.  I'm so much more capable of thinking about a world beyond the 12' radius that surrounds me.  

I know what I want.  I  may not always know how to get it, but I do at least know where I am trying to go.

Life, with all of it's joys and disappointments, is so much easier now than it was when I was turning 22.  I have experience under my belt to tell me that things are going to work out.  Sure, it may not always be the way I want it to work out, but things do always work out.

I know now that I don't have to create my own OR put up with other people's drama.  And I know that the world will not come to an end just because of a few unknowns in my life.  I know that a little discomfort with the future builds character and that it is true - whatever doesn't kill you WILL make you stronger.  

I had a great time last night.  But 32 is NOT the new 22.  And I just can't "hang" like I used to.  

And to be perfectly honest, that's just fine by me.

Love, hugs, and blessings,

The Mama

Insomnia, and Other Lovely Things

I've been suffering from absolutely ridiculous insomnia lately.  Nothing helps.  And I mean NOTHING.

I have done relaxation yoga an hour before bed.  I do breathing meditation.  I read.  I pray.  I knit.  I toss.  I turn.  I toss and turn some more.

You get the picture, right?

I'm hitting a point of complete desperation.  Homeopathic remedies don't work.  Herbal remedies don't work.  Lifestyle changes aren't helping.  I thought that as my kids got older, my sleep was supposed to improve, not get worse.

No such luck.

So instead, I spend my time between tossing and turning thinking about blog posts, my Etsy store, and knitting projects.

Right now, I have four projects going which is totally contradictory to my post earlier this week about knitting monogamy.  I am very organized however, and am making steady progress on each one.  I'm working on Citron, Saroyan, Garterlack Dish Cloth, and The Dumpling Bag.  I used to joke that I got everything done that I do because I don't sleep... but I did sleep a lot more then than I do now.  So now I should be getting even more done, right?  Yeah, that's not really the case.

In other news, I'm trying to plan out what handmade craft shows I will be a vendor at this year.  If you are in the Southeast and have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them!  I'm trying to arrange my workload and decide what I am going to offer.  Hopefully I'll have some new things available in my Etsy store too!

I said hopefully, people.  Don't get too excited.

Last but not least, I'm glad to finally bid Adieu to the month of February.  While there have certainly been many beautiful events this month, we have also shed more than a few tears.  Thank you to everyone who has offered prayers and wishes of support and love not only for my family but also for those I love who have experienced pain over these last few weeks.

And with that, I'm very excited to see what next month has to offer!

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

W.W.M.D.

A few years back, "W.W.J.D." could be seen on the wrists of teenagers everywhere.  "What Would Jesus Do" was the answer-in-question-form for seemingly every quandary.


As a mom, it's sometimes hard for me to wonder what Jesus would do in my situation.


He didn't have children.  He had the delight of having children love him, and when they were unruly (IF they were unruly - we're talking about Jesus here; would little ones really dare scream "NO!" in His face??), he could send them back to their mortified parents.


Before you worry that I'm headed down a path of hell and damnation, just bear with me for a moment.


My Catholic upbringing fortunately provided me with an arsenal of "Go To" examples for the What Would So-And-So Do question.  There are, of course, the Saints.  And no matter what you believe in, you've been living under a rock if you haven't heard of Blessed Mother Theresa.  Finally, there is the ultimate Go To mother: Mary.

The last 48 hours have been particularly trying with our two year old.  His language skills have exploded, and with it, his temper has reared it's ugly head and his need to establish sovereignty has hit fever pitch.  My formerly charming mohawk clad half-pint has turned into a smart mouthed, tantrum pitching, patience trying, fire breathing two foot tall dragon.  If you don't believe me, just ask anyone with whom we have crossed paths in the last couple of days.


Following our latest episode (less than two minutes before this post), I retreated to my room to lick my wounds and prepare for the next battle.  As I thought about how I could have better handled or all together prevented this morning's outburst, I found my thoughts wandering to Mary.  Yes, THE Mary.  The virgin mother of Jesus.  


It seemed fitting: we just celebrated the birth of Jesus in Christmas.  When you're holding a tiny baby - whether it's a child born in a manger or one delivered at Northside Hospital - you can't help but look into that beautiful, innocent, helpless face and think about the infinite possibilities the tiny life possesses.  At that moment, you have no idea what the future will hold and certainly cannot fathom the concept of the trying two's hitting your household.


I wondered... did Jesus go through the terrible Terrific Two's?  And if so, What Did Mary Do?


He was Jesus after all - perfectly Divine and entirely human with all of the imperfections that encompasses.  And while most available biblical accounts of His life do not give us much insight into what things were like at home when He was a child, we do know that Jesus had an independent streak.  One needs to only look so far as the story of when His parents found Him in the temple to see that example.  


Religious convictions aside, I can't help but wonder if Jesus had tantrums as a kid.  And if in fact He did, how do you think His mother would have handled it?


Christian teaching says that Mary knew she would bear God's only son.  Wow.  Can you even imagine the stress that goes along with THAT??  Sure, she had her reputation to worry about - the virgin bride pregnant before she was even officially betrothed.  But as a mom, I think the more scary thought is what to do with Him once He is here!  Pregnancy, labor, and delivering a child surrounded by cows and donkeys were the easy parts of that deal.  That's nature.  Her body knew how to handle those details.  The tough part happened when the nurturing and raising of the Holy child had to take place.  


I mean, we're talking about Jesus.  THE Son of God.  The ONLY Son of God.  I wonder if Jesus got spanked... and if so, I have to believe that the words "This will hurt me more than it hurts you" had much more significant meaning then than they do now!  Forget DFCS.  She literally had The Wrath of God to worry about.  

Thankfully, I'm not raising The Son most Divine.  I'm raising a Colombian-Irish hybrid with the charm of a Guiness drinking Rico Suave and the temper of a bull who has just discovered that the keg is empty.  It's a beautiful, volatile mixture.  


Still, in the tough moments of raising a two year old, it does help to pause and ask myself, "What Would Mary Do?"  It certainly doesn't give me any clear answers, but it does make me smile and be thankful for my 100% Human child whom I can send to time-out without a shred of guilt or second guessing.  


Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Cheers!

Chinese food, a bottle of wine, and a real wood fire in the fireplace. 

It amazes me how much my priorities have changed over the last five years.  There was a time in my life when not having plans for New Years Eve would have been a tragedy of unparalleled proportions.  Tonight, however, I'm looking forward to sitting quietly by the fire with some knitting, a glass of wine, and my wonderful husband by my side.

Now before you think I've gone soft, let's get one thing straight: There have been PLENTY of New Year's celebrations for the record books.  There was unforgettable yet oh-so-regrettable New Year's of 1996/1997 when I showed up late for curfew, sans contact lenses (which meant legally blind), and tried to feign sobriety despite my clear inability to put two words together.  And who could (though I'm sure we all want to) deny the EPIC celebration including one (or two) too many apple martini's that landed me flat on my you-know-what in the middle of Buckhead with my friend on top of me in a very unflattering yet attention grabbing situation.   Shudder.

What you couldn't have told me five years ago, is that I would gladly trade every one of those hell-raising nights on the town for the chance to snuggle up with my cuddle bugs and reminisce about the previous 12 months.  Looking into the eyes of my children, I see just how much things have changed and how much we have grown over the last 365 days.

This time last year, we had just finalized one of the darkest, most difficult times in our adult lives.  Everything material thing we thought was important had been stripped from our hands, and we were forced to look at life beyond what can be measured by dollars and cents.

It was, in many way, the most blessed New Year's Eve we had ever celebrated.  

We had our family.  We had added another miracle to our clan and our little brood was healthy and thriving.  Our lives were more full than we could have ever imagined despite the wall of uncertainty that we were facing.

This year I am even more thankful and humbled than I ever thought possible.  Our children are continuing to grow and amaze us every day.  We've certainly experienced bumps and obstacles, but we've learned the depth of our strength and the importance of family.  Our financial situation has not changed, but our spiritual and emotional stability has grown exponentially and we have been graced with a peace far beyond our wildest imaginations from accepting our struggles and learning to be thankful for them.  When I am able to silence the world for a few moments, It is truly amazing to see where we have been and the possible places that we can go from here.  

So tonight, as I am counting my own blessings, I will also be thinking of you.  May you experience peace and happiness beyond your own mind's eye in the year to come.  

Love, hugs, and blessings,

The Mama

You're Not the Only One

A lot of areas of my life have been neglected lately, not only my blog.

My studio remains a wreck.

My kids are unkempt and wild.

The laundry is piling up.

My roots need to be touched up.

... well, maybe this IS just like every other day.

Things have just been busy and quite frankly, the constant stream of dreary, wet weather that has settled into the South is getting me down. I love a good thunderstorm just as much as the next person, but this is a bit much. I live for cool Fall nights. I love having the windows open and watching the leaves fall as the cool breeze rushes through the house. I crave an ice cold beer and the sound of SEC helmets crunching on the TV on a cool yet sunny Saturday afternoon. Mother Nature clearly has a different agenda this year. And I, for one, am unimpressed.

It isn't even cold enough to turn on the heat. It is just wet and the air is heavy and it is depressing.

How's that for your Debbie Downer moment on this fine Wednesday afternoon!

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

As If You Needed More of My Opinions...

After I posted about Facebook Mompetitions, I started thinking I should take some of my own advice.

Now don't get too excited here. I stand by what I said. However, I think that I missed one critical point.

No matter who you are, where you fall on the parenting spectrum, or what kind of mom/daughter/wife/partner/sister/friend you strive to be, there is one very important thing that cannot be forgotten: Own it.

I spent most (okay, all) of my teen years and the majority of my twenties comparing myself to the women around me and trying to be "perfect" for whomever's affections and approval I sought to gain. I spent the first few years of parenthood trying to live up to some idealistic expectation of who I thought I should be as a mom. Then I realized that not only was I causing myself a world of stress and unnecessary postpartum trauma, but I was also doing my children a huge disservice. Instead of loving myself and embracing that I am imperfectly perfect, I constantly compared myself to other moms, wives, and women in general.

The light switch finally went on when I realized that it is okay to be in survival mode - to be SURVIVAL MOM. That doesn't mean that I don't still fall into the trap of comparing myself to others. I have yet to meet a woman (who is completely honest with herself) who doesn't occasionally do the mental measure-up. But at the end of the day, I have had to find what works best for ME and for MY FAMILY. I am in survival mode 99.9% of the time. And you know what? I'm completely fine with that.

I had a friend who was asking for my opinions on disciplining her child. As I read through her email, I realized that she wasn't looking for advice. She was looking for validation.

Babies don't come with handbooks. Partners don't come with a "how-to" guide. Most of the time we have to trust our gut or go with examples. What happens when those examples portray perfection and don't compliment our gut feelings? We question ourselves. We undermine our own abilities to make sound decisions and trust our judgment. By constantly comparing ourselves to one another and by listening to the "expert" ideas about what a mom/daughter/wife/partner/sister/friend should be, we are turning down the voice of our own expert intuition.

I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I can say from experience that when I turn up the volume on my own intuition and tune out the external noise, I am the best I can be - even when I am in survival mode. I have learned to take the advice found in books, dvd's, expert forums, and from super moms with a grain of salt and trust myself as much as possible. I remind myself that my children, my husband, and my life were all entrusted to me to take care of in the best way that I can possibly do.

At the end of the day, if every decision I make and every action I take comes from love, I know I'm always doing the right thing in my own imperfectly perfect way.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Facebook Mompetitions

I love Facebook. Love. It. I'm a total junkie thanks to my iPhone facebook app. My favorite status updates are song lyrics, quick quips about odd child behavior, and controversial status updates that ruffle feathers and challenge friends to voice their opinions.

I got on the FarmTown bandwagon. Don't lie - you know you did too. Mafia Wars, anyone? And Island Paradise... I mean really, what's not to like about an island in the middle o' nowhere that has a climate which not only produces such exotic produce from Macadamia trees, Yarro plants, and coffee but also sustains the lives of animals such as Mystic Llamas, English Game Hens, Brown Cows, and Mountain Goats!

I've been known to participate in a quiz or two. And I even (shh, don't tell anyone) briefly joined in Sorority Life. Incidentally, SL ended in pretty much the same way my real life sorority experience ended: excommunication.

All in all, I would say that 90% of the time, it serves the purpose for which I intend it to be utilized for: to connect me to other people with in the real world, the outside world that spans beyond diapers and carpool.

10% of the time, I'm not hitting that "like" button.

There is a sinister side to Facebooking, and I'm not talking about the pedophiles and perverts. That's criminal. What I'm referring to is a different kind of evil... the kind of underhanded manipulatively innocent meanness that only women are capable of inflicting on one another.

Mompetition.

Mompetition refers to the "my kid is smarter/cuter/bigger/better/has less smelly poo than your kid" syndrome. Mompetition takes "I walked 10 miles in the snow uphill both ways barefoot carrying an elimination communication trained llama on my shoulders" one-up-ed-ness to new heights. Mompetition separates classes of super moms from the survival moms (incidentally, I'm in the latter class and am just fine with it!). Mompetition is what undermines the female mom psyche and destroys the very fibers that should be woven through our sisterhood. (Okay, so maybe I got a tad carried away with the sisterhood thing. I'm trying to make a point here!)

I truly believe that some mompetitions are completely accidental: In an attempt to explain my lack of sanity, I post a status update on my Facebook profile that outlines why I haven't had time to shower when it is already 5:30 in the evening. And while I realize that most people don't particularly care WHY I am smelly, there is some comfort in at least putting it out on the table that hey, I may smell worse than that llama I've been carrying, but it really has been one hell of a day!

But what happens when the to-do list of the super mom overachiever becomes a daily reminder to survival mom that someone else is always bigger/better/faster/stronger than she is? Every once in a while, its great to get those thumbs-up "likes" and "wow, you're my hero" comments. At some point, and I'm just being honest here, the supermom's platform for seeking validation and reinforcement goes too far.

Whether we intend to or not, we are challenging one another to a Facebook Mompetition when the daily accomplishment list becomes as regular as the horoscope app update in our news feeds.

I don't know about you, but I have many professional friends, moms included, and they don't post how many briefs they finished, how many orders they fulfilled, and how many fires they put out at work. And not once have I personally ever seen a single one of my childless friends post their daily to do's and accomplishments. Quite frankly, I don't know many people who give a rats patootie about it either. No offense, of course.

Not only do our mompetitions pit the SAHM's of the world against one another, but they also pit the SAHM's against the WOHM's in a very subliminal way. When I was a WOHM, I struggled to balance work life and home life. As a SAHM, I struggle to balance home life and, well, home life. We are ALL doing the best we can, but is it really necessary to update daily about the fact that your six month old perfectly potty trained child can also ask for cheese and crackers in Latin, French, and Sanskrit, and is learning the origins of the Gregorian calendar - all before his/her Bento lunch of cute and cuddly veggie creatures? I'm struggling to teach my two year old that poop is not finger paint and that there is a world beyond goldfish crackers and PB&J. And the mom next to me secretly wishes that she was the one teaching her child that dog food is not intended to be placed up the cat's nose instead of having that task passed onto the nanny.

At the end of the day, "THE social networking site" can either help or hurt all of us. Ultimately, no one can control what his or her friends post. And we can choose to hit the "hide all posts from John Smith" button in our news feed. But, should we really have to?

I'm just saying...

And by the way, if you were able to teach a llama elimination communication, I really would have to bow down to you and hit that "like" button.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Beautiful.

If you have been living under a rock and missed this beautiful dance, then please take a moment to watch this now.

The meaning behind this dance is so powerful and moving. On the So You Think You Can Dance finale last night, the camera panned to Christina Applegate who has publicly battled breast cancer; her emotion brought tears to my own eyes and renewed my dedication to The 3 Day journey.

I'll let the video speak for itself.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Amazing

It is truly amazing what God can do in your life when you let Him.

The last twelve months have been a roller coaster of change for our little family. We experienced job losses, job gains, bankruptcy, foreclosure, repossession, birth, relocation, sadness, uncertainty, joy, surprises, and an unbelievable wealth of blessings.

A year ago, I was five months pregnant and newly unemployed. We were facing the loss of our house and the world seemed dark and cruel. I couldn't understand how God would "let" this happen to us. I didn't understand how people could be so heartless and unfair.

Today, I am blessed to be able to stay at home with our wonderful, healthy, energetic children. I am fortunate enough to not have to worry where our next meal will come from, or what bill collectors will be threatening us next. We are facing another move, but this time it is exciting, positive, and full of hope.

If you can learn to be quiet, to be still, and to let go, it is amazing what can happen in your life. Things don't always work out the way YOU want them to. And we aren't promised a life without pain and suffering. But if you trust, if you truly take your hands off the wheel and stop trying to drive the bus yourself, you will at least open yourself to the possibility of peace and joy.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Take A Deep Breath

Here is my "Om" for the evening. I just got it in my email from Babyfit and thought I would share it with you!

A Nighttime Breather

It's the end of another long day. "Pooped" may be the word you're looking for. As your body goes through changes, it can sap extra energy pretty quickly. Yet as you look around the house, it's easily apparent that more energy is needed before you can snuggle under the sheets. Try this pick-up tonight. It may surprise you!

Your body needs oxygen to perform. Bad breathing, which cuts off a large amount of oxygen, can be an energy killer. Here's a quick breathing exercise to replenish your oxygen and energy stores:

1. Lie down flat on your back, or sit against a wall. Use a pillow for comfort.
2. Close your eyes. Just pay attention to your breathing for a minute or two. Don't try to change it, just notice how it feels.
3. Practice breathing through your nose. Take long breaths, not deep breaths. Try not to force it.
4. Each breath should expand your belly, your lower back and ribs. Relax your shoulders and try not to breathe with your chest.
5. Make your exhale as long as your inhale to make sure all the bad air is gone.

Deep, focused breathing is one of the best ways to recenter yourself and clear your mind. Unfortunately, I'm usually too busy to remember to breathe at all!

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Have You Ever Been A Hero?

Every Thursday, I get an email from Plinky with some thought prompts. My intentions are good: I plan on using them to journal, blog, or stimulate conversation that focuses on something other than discipline or poop. Unfortunately, like most of my best laid plans, that just doesn't happen.

Today when I got my prompts, I decided to actually open and read the email instead of just hitting the little trash can on my monitor.

There was one prompt that struck me: Have you ever been a hero?


I'm blessed because every day, I'm a "hero" to my kids. I can see it in their eyes. I can tell by their sweet kisses and hugs. I also remember when I was little and my parents were my heroes.


The thing is, I'm a human hero. I'm a mom. I make mistakes. And as much as moms are expected to be super human - to be superheroes - at the end of the day, we are all just human heroes.


Asking myself about being a hero made me consider two things:

1. All moms are human. ALL MOMS ARE HUMAN. We all live in glass houses of some kind (or at least have some pretty high glass windows). It's a slippery slope when we start playing the Superman vs. Spiderman duel out in real life. After all, we're all trying to do the same thing, right? We all want to save the world. We all want to make the world as safe, colorful, and beautiful as we can for our children. We shouldn't try to compete with one another about who has the greatest mompowers. Not only does this undermine the overall good we can do, but it sets a horrible example for our little superheroes-in-training. We need to focus on uplifting the good, not highlighting the bad.


2. I often have to remind myself that while I am my child's hero, I am not a superhero, nor do I need to try and be one. I AM human. I DO make mistakes. For me, this means admitting when I'm wrong. It means apologizing when I've been too quick to yell or too slow to respond. It means humbling myself before my child, and lovingly showing her that I do make mistakes and that mistakes are okay. By allowing myself to make human mistakes, and by recognizing those mistakes, I am teaching my children to be accepting of the fact that each person has his or her own strengths and weaknesses. We all have our kryptonite. What matters is how we handle that kryptonite.

Someone has put a lot of trust in me. I'm the hero for three young, beautiful, highly spirited and highly impressionable little people. I am not really supermom. I'm not really a superhero. But to them, right now, I'm the greatest Hero ever created. It's a responsibility that I take very seriously, and a role that requires a lot of mindfulness. And when I do fall victim to my kryptonite, which happens often, I will accept it, apologize for it, and continue to try and save the world.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

8 Months

My precious L is 8 months old I don't know where the time has gone.


Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Thoughts on Friday

To overcome my writers block, I'm reviving my Thoughts on Friday post.

What did I accomplish this week?
Survival. No, really. I survived the week relatively unscathed. You know the song that goes, "Everybody's working for the weekend"? That was my mantra this week!

I also delivered a couple of things I had been working on:


















What did not go as expected?
Despite a couple of long days, overall the week FLEW by. I didn't get to accomplish nearly as much as I wanted to. I didn't get to the gym at all.

What was the highlight of the week?
Hubs came home early!!!! I had a feeling he might try to surprise me, and sure enough he pulled in the driveway at 9:00 last night. He is such a wonderful husband!!!

Did anything exciting and unexpected happen?
Well, aside from Hubs' early arrival, I got to have a fun playdate with my friend Jackie and her 3 adorable kids. Trust me... anyone willing to open their doors to the four of us is a saint in my mind!

What was the best part of your week?

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Today's Mantra

"Today may my words be clear, kind, and uplifting."

I lack patience. No, really. Ask anyone who knows me. I have zero patience. I have even less patience with my lack of patience.

It's so much easier for me to fly off the handle and raise my voice for no reason than to take a nice slow count to ten and regroup. I mean, really, who wants to slow down and breathe when it's sooo much easier and more instantly gratifying to just yell at the top of your lungs?

Regardless of my personal desire to throw a Desperate Housewives of NJ move and turn over a table while screaming like a madwoman, I have young eyes and ears for whom I need to set an example.

Stomping my feet and throwing a temper tantrum that would rival the Emmy-worthy ones of my two and three year old really isn't acceptable. And somehow, I just don't think it's very effective to yell back at your child to not yell at you.

So when I registered for Mothering magazine, I was given a free gift. When I opened this OM-esque box of uplifting mom-mantras, I rolled my eyes and chucked them in my purse fully expecting that they would hit the floor at dinner one night and quickly head to their funeral in the garbage can.

But this morning, in a desperate attempt to maintain any shred of sanity I have left as we enter the 5th week of Hubs' travelling, I flipped through the cards, grabbed one that seemed easy to remember, read it a few times, and shoved it in my back pocket.

I've used it at least two dozen times today. "Today may my words be clear, kind, and uplifting." Rinse, repeat.

Taking the time to slow down and read the mantra actually DOES help me to recenter myself and enter a mindful state. I've noticed an improvement in my patience (or lack thereof). And while my kiddos aren't exactly responsive to the "new and improved Mama" yet, I am hoping that this will be the one area of my life that I can follow through on and integrate into my daily routine. And maybe, just maybe, the zen-like demeanor that I am desperately trying to attain can translate to my Colombian/Irish hybrid children and we can have a little more peace around here.

But don't worry... I'm realistic. And at the end of the day, I'm still me: impatient, loud, and incurably sarcastic.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

The Numbers Game

2.5
Number of hours of sleep I got last night

6/1
Ratio by which I'm outnumbered right now, both two legged children and four

2
Cups of coffee required for me to even think about functioning this morning

8
The time tonight when I finally got to shower

0
The number of times I got to go to the bathroom by myself today

12
The number of poopie diapers I changed

4
The number of times my oldest child changed her clothes today - head to toe

83
How many emails and/or direct messages I have gotten and responded to so far today

13
The number of days left in The Husband's Travel Month from Hell

6
The number of "Accidents" that were had by my three year old today

360
Estimated number of times I had to say "NO", "STOP", or "DON'T RIDE ON THE DOGS"

1
The number of pizzas that my three year old managed to pee pee on. Don't even ask.

11
The time tonight when I would like to go to sleep

1.5
The time tomorrow morning I will probably wind up going to sleep

138
The number of new gray hairs I got today

90
The number of minutes I got to cuddle with my son tonight - a rare treat!

5%
The amount of sanity I have remaining

40,000
The amount of student loan money I owe

7
The number of years I spent in college

3.8
the GPA I graduated with

2/8
The number of years since graduation that I actually used that "hard earned degree"

117,000
"Salary" that would be applicable for a Stay At Home Mom

300
The number of times I laughed today

5
The number of times I cried today

3
The number of precious little lives smiles I am entrusted with that make my heart melt and make every frustrating day worthwhile.

0.0
The number of seconds I would trade my life for any other job in the world

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

31 Years, 31 Things To Be Thankful For

In no particular order (except for the first, let's say, 10), here are 31 things that I am thankful for in celebration of my 31st birthday today!

1. My faith in my Heavenly Father which has guided my choices and gotten me through the good times and the bad even when I didn't think I had any reason to continue.
   
2. My wonderful husband for putting up with my insanity over the better part of the last seven years.
3. My amazing daughter who has turned out just like me and is the reason I thanked my parents this morning for allowing me to live to see my 31st birthday.
4. My peanut of a son who constantly challenges me to see the world from a smaller point of view.
5. My youngest princess who brings me back to earth when I feel like I just can't handle another second of the insanity.
6. My mom and dad for allowing me to live long enough to see my 31st birthday. No. Really. If you had ANY idea what I put them through...
7. My brothers and sister for deflecting some of the attention off of me when I was being a brat. KIDDING!!! (sort of). Really though, Dennis, Steve-O, and Kat are the BEST SIBLINGS EVER!!!
   
8. My crazy dogs. That's all I've got. They're just insane.
9. My friends, both here and far away.
10. That I'm HERE this year instead of where I was this time last year!
11. The chicken coops - because believe it or not, they are a reminder of how much better things are than how they were!
12. My Honda CRV. Oh, how I love that car!
13. The Beach. I know I will always have something to look forward to as long as the waves are crashing.
    
14. That I just killed that big, scary spider before he killed me. Just go with me on this one, okay?
15. My creativity, which is not my own but is a gift that I have been entrusted with. It has provided me with an outlet and with opportunity far beyond my wildest imagination.
16. My love of reading which I get from my parents. It provides me with a way to keep my mind sharp and gives me an outlet when I need an escape from reality.
17. MMMM.... Beer.
18. MMMM.... Wine.
19. MMMM.... Chocolate.
20. My health, which I would like to get back sooner rather than later.
21. The opportunity to walk in the Breast Cancer 3 Day in October!
22. My ability to write.
    
23. My trip to Jamaica in 2000. It changed my life.
24. For everyone who believes in me, even when I struggle to believe in myself.
25. Sleep, which I just can never seem to get enough of!
26. Grey's Anatomy. Don't hate. It is what it is.
27. Being a mom.
28. Sunny days.
29. Rainy days.
30. Organization.
31. My blog readers!!!

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Bittersweet

My daughter finished her first year of preschool on Tuesday. It was such a hard year for our family, but the one constant that she had to look forward to was going to school each Tuesday and Thursday. We are changing schools next year, but the women who were her teachers this year, and my friend who was the preschool director were truly guardian angels in our little angel's life.

It was like closing a final chapter of the difficult time that we went through over the last year and a half. I'm so incredibly thankful for the gifts that they gave to our little girl and I will miss seeing their smiling faces four times a week.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Thoughts on Friday

It's Friday. Where in the world this week go??? Somewhere between the diapers, dogs, and dishes, this week - along with my sanity (or whatever was left to begin with) - went right out the window!

It's amazing how the passage of time is so changeable. I mean, sure, there are ALWAYS 24 hours in a day and I ALWAYS get less than five hours of sleep a night, but some days/weeks/months feel like they drag on for an eternity, while others are gone before I even have a chance to think about what happened five minutes ago!

To make up for my early-onset CRS (leave me a comment if you don't know what that one means), I'm going to do a little recap.

What did I accomplish this week?

Hmmm... Here's a quick list: finished week one of Couch to 5K, completely finished two orders, knit two hats, went grocery shopping and saved $134 (woo hoo!), cleaned my studio (no, we are not discussing the fact that it was destroyed again less than 48 hours later), went to the eye doctor (trust me, this is an accomplishment), spent time with three friends, and last but certainly not least, managed to keep myself, my husband, my three kids, and my three dogs alive and healthy.

Did anything not go as expected?

The Husband and I rented a move to watch on Tuesday. It's Friday and we still haven't watched it. I also expected that I would be finished with all of my orders and have them shipped by Thursday. Again, what day is it?

What was the highlight of your week?

This morning I went to the gym at 5:00 while the rest of the house was asleep. When I got home, I was greeted by my three year old with a big hug. She said, "I was looking all around for you! I love you and wanted to find you so you could fix me breaksmast!"

Did anything exciting happen that you did not expect?

I got to see Jackie on Monday, Sabrina on Tuesday, and Matt today. This is big for me... I'm a homebody. I also got my mother's day gift on Sunday which was a Vera Bradley purse and wallet I had been lusting after - Purple Punch is the way to my heart!

I guess that about sums it up! I hope this weekend doesn't fly by as quickly as the week did.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Easter Silence

Holy Week and Easter has always been a very special time for me... not only because of my religious beliefs, but also because God has always moved in my life in a visible "Neon Sign" kind of way during the Triduum.

I spend a lot of time pontificating about what is going on in my life, trying to turn humiliation and frustration into humor. For now, however, I am going to be silent. Sometimes, the loudest messages can be heard in the most still moments of life.

I wish you all a blessed Easter Sunday, whatever you may believe.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama