Spring Cleaning

Welcome, March!!!

To usher in the new month, I decided to bleach down my house today.  I've dusted, scrubbed, vacuumed, and wiped down every visible surface area in our home.  You name it, I cleaned it: dusty fan blades, dog-snotted windows, ceiling can lights, and every inch of every baseboard including the dark-corner ones that scare me.

As a reward, I instituted mandatory naptime for everyone under 3.5 feet tall and not only showered by myself, but also enjoyed the last little bit of Tam-Tam's soup and a yummy corn muffin... ALONE!!!

I absolutely savored the silence...  right up until the moment that I swallowed the last bite of carbohydrate goodness and Chewie started barking which woke up the entire house.  I think I got a total of about 23 minutes to myself... but it was 23 minutes of pure bliss!!!

I have put myself on a bi-weekly cleaning schedule.  Anything more makes me feel overwhelmed and a little like Cinderella, while anything less makes me worry that DFCS will come-a-knockin' at my door.  I still vacuum at least every other day and sweep twice daily (because my kids are incapable of getting the food straight from their plates to their mouths), but I've had to learn to ignore the finger and nose prints that grace our front windows in order to manage my compulsion for cleanliness.   When you have as many fingers, toes, and noses running around as I do, it's impossible to keep everything perfect all the time.

My point, however, is that today's cleaning - while part of my bi-weekly routine - was different because I really felt like I was scrubbing all of the sadness and nastiness of last month out of our home.  I felt like it needed to be acknowledged as a monumental event of sorts.  And what better way to give notice to something than to blog about it, right?

I also made bread.  I love, love, love my breadmaker.  I need to learn how to make some other varieties, but for now, the satisfaction of how my house fills with the smell of floury, carbohydrate goodness from the plain white bread is plenty to tide me over.  What's makes me laugh almost every time is that when the aroma hits my nose nearly two hours after the bread cycle starts, I have forgotten that the machine is even working!  Even today, I asked my oldest if she smelled anything and she looked at me with an annoyed-far-beyond-her-years look as she said, "Uh, yeah mama... the BRE-EAD!"  And yes, I know it's lopsided.  I'm not sure why that happened, but trust me, it didn't affect the smell or the taste!

Last, but not least, I actually did follow through on yesterday's promise(ish) to work on some more embroidery projects.  These are custom orders and not for my shop, but it felt good to get behind the machine again and turn something plain into something pretty.

I even have a few more things in the queue and am excited to get in a few hours of work tomorrow.  I just hope that excitement carries over twelve hours from now!

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Friday Funny

Have you ever randomly called the phone number on the back of a candy bar wrapper?  


I haven't either.

But a friend of mine did and encouraged my husband and I to do the same.  Let me assure you, it did not disappoint!!!

Today's Friday Funny is brought to you by Nestle Crunch.

Give this a try!

Call: 1.800.295.0051

Wait 10 seconds.  Do not select a language option... And listen...

Their "Funner" menu offers information on Cooties, lets you listen in on a game of backyard catch, and more.  Get your Friday Funny smile thanks to the good folks at Nestle.

The YouTube video below isn't mine, but I provided it for you just in case you were too scared to actually call the number yourself!



Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Facebook Mompetitions

I love Facebook. Love. It. I'm a total junkie thanks to my iPhone facebook app. My favorite status updates are song lyrics, quick quips about odd child behavior, and controversial status updates that ruffle feathers and challenge friends to voice their opinions.

I got on the FarmTown bandwagon. Don't lie - you know you did too. Mafia Wars, anyone? And Island Paradise... I mean really, what's not to like about an island in the middle o' nowhere that has a climate which not only produces such exotic produce from Macadamia trees, Yarro plants, and coffee but also sustains the lives of animals such as Mystic Llamas, English Game Hens, Brown Cows, and Mountain Goats!

I've been known to participate in a quiz or two. And I even (shh, don't tell anyone) briefly joined in Sorority Life. Incidentally, SL ended in pretty much the same way my real life sorority experience ended: excommunication.

All in all, I would say that 90% of the time, it serves the purpose for which I intend it to be utilized for: to connect me to other people with in the real world, the outside world that spans beyond diapers and carpool.

10% of the time, I'm not hitting that "like" button.

There is a sinister side to Facebooking, and I'm not talking about the pedophiles and perverts. That's criminal. What I'm referring to is a different kind of evil... the kind of underhanded manipulatively innocent meanness that only women are capable of inflicting on one another.

Mompetition.

Mompetition refers to the "my kid is smarter/cuter/bigger/better/has less smelly poo than your kid" syndrome. Mompetition takes "I walked 10 miles in the snow uphill both ways barefoot carrying an elimination communication trained llama on my shoulders" one-up-ed-ness to new heights. Mompetition separates classes of super moms from the survival moms (incidentally, I'm in the latter class and am just fine with it!). Mompetition is what undermines the female mom psyche and destroys the very fibers that should be woven through our sisterhood. (Okay, so maybe I got a tad carried away with the sisterhood thing. I'm trying to make a point here!)

I truly believe that some mompetitions are completely accidental: In an attempt to explain my lack of sanity, I post a status update on my Facebook profile that outlines why I haven't had time to shower when it is already 5:30 in the evening. And while I realize that most people don't particularly care WHY I am smelly, there is some comfort in at least putting it out on the table that hey, I may smell worse than that llama I've been carrying, but it really has been one hell of a day!

But what happens when the to-do list of the super mom overachiever becomes a daily reminder to survival mom that someone else is always bigger/better/faster/stronger than she is? Every once in a while, its great to get those thumbs-up "likes" and "wow, you're my hero" comments. At some point, and I'm just being honest here, the supermom's platform for seeking validation and reinforcement goes too far.

Whether we intend to or not, we are challenging one another to a Facebook Mompetition when the daily accomplishment list becomes as regular as the horoscope app update in our news feeds.

I don't know about you, but I have many professional friends, moms included, and they don't post how many briefs they finished, how many orders they fulfilled, and how many fires they put out at work. And not once have I personally ever seen a single one of my childless friends post their daily to do's and accomplishments. Quite frankly, I don't know many people who give a rats patootie about it either. No offense, of course.

Not only do our mompetitions pit the SAHM's of the world against one another, but they also pit the SAHM's against the WOHM's in a very subliminal way. When I was a WOHM, I struggled to balance work life and home life. As a SAHM, I struggle to balance home life and, well, home life. We are ALL doing the best we can, but is it really necessary to update daily about the fact that your six month old perfectly potty trained child can also ask for cheese and crackers in Latin, French, and Sanskrit, and is learning the origins of the Gregorian calendar - all before his/her Bento lunch of cute and cuddly veggie creatures? I'm struggling to teach my two year old that poop is not finger paint and that there is a world beyond goldfish crackers and PB&J. And the mom next to me secretly wishes that she was the one teaching her child that dog food is not intended to be placed up the cat's nose instead of having that task passed onto the nanny.

At the end of the day, "THE social networking site" can either help or hurt all of us. Ultimately, no one can control what his or her friends post. And we can choose to hit the "hide all posts from John Smith" button in our news feed. But, should we really have to?

I'm just saying...

And by the way, if you were able to teach a llama elimination communication, I really would have to bow down to you and hit that "like" button.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

On Hold...

You know that feeling when you are waiting for something and you don't feel like you can really take a step forward until you get that answer or whatever it is you are looking for?

I call it being on hold.

That is exactly where I am right now.

So, while I am in this holding pattern, I figured I'd give you a little update on what's happening in our lives.

I finished a HUGE Kappa Delta project and delivered it on Sunday. 60 Keyfobs, 60 Koozies, 60 Totes. What an awesome feeling of accomplishment to have it done! In the process of waiting for my embroidery machine to do it's thing, I read two books. Yes, two. And on that note...

I have decided that I need to permanently ban myself from ever picking up a Wally Lamb book again. I always have haunting nightmares when I read his work.

Speaking of nightmares, I'm taking my oldest daughter to Cheesecake Factory tonight for our "date". She stayed in her bed all night last night. This is a big, big deal because...

Our youngest child will NOT eat solid food, will NOT sleep through the night, and will NOT go to bed in her own crib. I thought for sure that by the nine and a half month mark that we would be past this stage of mama sleep deprivation, but apparently I am mistaken.

And along the lines of sleep deprivation, our son has decided that he doesn't need naps anymore. Suffice it to say that our little thunderbolt will NOT be giving up his quiet time in the near future - at least not if I have anything to say about it. I can't handle no sleep from the 9 month old, a sassy 3 year old, a napless 2 year old, AND moving all at the same time...

And about that move -
Well, that's the big holding pattern we are in right now. We have a "sort of" date which is the day we have to be out of this house by, but we don't know when we can get into the new house.

Hopefully we'll be getting the ball rolling soon.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Nominate me, Please!!!

This is a desperate attempt at self-promotion. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Today, I got up, showered, and spent thirty seconds contemplating what pants would match my t-shirt (YES, t-shirt!). I settled on a pair of way-too-big knit capri-ish things from Target. I barely got a comb through my wet hair before pulling it into a low ponytail. Shoes? HA! Makeup? Not a chance in hell!

About an hour ago, it hit me. I'm in serious need of a mom-makeover. I've fallen victim to the age-old cliche of putting my children's fashion ahead of my own. I'm a mom on a budget with limited time and even less energy to put into my clothes. I'm amazed that my husband sticks with me. I don't remember anything in our vows about staying together "through frumpy and fashionable". We're definitely in a frumpy spell.

I went onto TLC's website and they aren't accepting self nominations (FOR SHAME!!!). So I'm asking you to help me out.

Head to their website: What NOT to Wear and nominate me for the show. Need a picture? Let me know and I'll post a few for you to snag and use.

I'm serious people. The Mama needs your help!

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

I Soweey Swing

In the midst of his 7,453,908 temper tantrum of the morning, N decided to let out his rage by pushing the baby swing as hard as he could. It was empty.

He was sitting directly in the line of it's return swing.

It clocked him in the head.

He retaliated by yelling gibberish at said swing and pushing it again. Harder.

It came back and hit him again. Harder.

The scene played out for a third try.

He fell over.

He apologized to the swing.

Who needs television when you have entertainment like this?!

Note: no swings were seriously damaged or broken in the course of this exchange.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Posted with LifeCast

Leaving On A Jet Plane...

Tomorrow, I head for CHI-TOWN!!!

(Okay, I don't know where I got that. Embarrassed, I am turning around and walking away).

Seriously though, I may be MIA this weekend. I'm heading to Chicago with the rents for my bro's graduation from minor seminary.

I'm stoked. And scared. I HATE to fly.

So, I'm going to try and get some shut eye, and hopefully I'll survive the flight and be able to check in from my FAVORITE CITY tomorrow night!

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Why I Don't Do Wal-Mart

I know this should be a Wordless Wednesday post. And I promise, I do have a WW to share with you as soon as I find my daughter's camera.

Instead, you will have to make do with reason number 4,587,986,423 why I Don't Do Wal-Mart.

Indulge me, if you will...

I'm standing in the Wal-Mart checkout near my house (aka, the redneck haven of North Atlanta), and I can tell I'm being watched. Just for your reference, my cart has several travel sized items for my trip to Chi-Town, diapers, pull-ups, milk, and a bottle of wine. Essentials, I tell you. Essentials.

Anyway, as I'm struggling to a) not make eye contact with anyone and b) not drop L OR the bottle of wine on the floor, a lady behind me starts gawking looking at me. Her face goes from horror to pity to this odd look of know-it-all-ishness. I knew what was coming... I've seen that look before.

Lady: Can I help you hon?
Me: (inside voice) First of all, do NOT call me "Hon". You don't know me like that. Second of all, do not even THINK about touching my wine!
"No, thanks. I've got it."

Lady: It does get easier, you know.
Me: (inside voice) Really? Because I think it would be MUCH easier if you chose to NOT impart the "wisdom" that I can foresee coming my way and just let me get out of her asap.
"Laughs Politely and continues unloading cart while avoiding eye contact"

Lady: "I have two children, ages four and nine months. I only shop with them after work. I learned my lesson early on" (Please note that italics and bold face are used here to emphasize the heaviness with which she shared these words)
Me: (inside voice) Inside voice, you better stay inside my head. Your dad's a clergy member and you don't want to get arrested.
"Again, laughs politely. I have three: ages three, two, and six months. I shop when I can."

Lady: "On purpose? Well, you know what causes that and how to stop it."
Me: (inside voice) Yes, on purpose. Just because I live amongst the rednecks does not mean I am one, thank you very much (No offense to any rednecks who might read this blog, by the way. I mean this with the most love and respect possible). And you might as well stop while you're ahead because this cart is almost empty which means that my hands are nearly free enough to beat your elitist bootay!
"Laughs politely"

Wal-Mart Checker: Gingerly hands me the bottle of wine - double bagged - and whispers, "Here honey, so you can put it someplace safe."

Me: Really??? REALLY??? It's WINE, not CRYSTAL METH!!!

Wal-Mart Checker: "So, are you goin' on a trip?"

Me: (inside voice) No, I'm hiding from my stalker-baby-daddy and I'm just hopin' these sample sizes will tide me over 'til I can get me and my baby a nice double wide.
"Yes, my brother is graduating this weekend and I'm going to surprise him"

Wal-Mart Checker and Know-It-All Lady share a look and both say "Oh..."

Lady: "You aren't taking all of them, are you?"

Me: "If you mean "them" as in all three of my children, no. My youngest and I will be flying up." And then, just because I knew I would get a reaction "I'm still breastfeeding her, so wherever I go, she goes.

And with extreme discomfort from The Lady and The Checker, and a satisfied grin on my face, that was the end of the conversation.

Incidentally, I am still proudly breastfeeding. My "Baby Daddy" is the father of all three of my children, and we will be celebrating our seven year anniversary this August. My brother is graduating from Minor Seminary at Loyola of Chicago this weekend. And I have now vowed to never buy wine at Wal Mart again.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

A Whole New Meaning

This week has given a new meaning to the phrase "I've lost a day."

(Okay, maybe this isn't a common phrase in your world, but it is in mine.)

As a result, my posts have been lacking, everything seems behind, and I don't even know where to begin.

Let me explain...

The Husband stayed in town on Monday so that I could be at the hospital for my friend's delivery of her third baby. He left on Tuesday for five days which made me think it was Monday. Then Wednesday, I thought it was Tuesday; this morning I thought it was Wednesday... and so on. I'm not sure where Monday went even though it was an amazing, miraculous day. I'll try to do a catch-up post later.

Anyway, here I am at 10:00 on THURSDAY morning, realizing I not only missed Wordless Wednesday, but now I can't even remember what I intended to post about when I sat down to start typing five minutes ago. This is some kind of a sick metaphor for my life this week.

Maybe if I retrace my steps, I'll figure out where the days went:

Monday: Attended the delivery of my friend's baby. It was an awesome 1 hour and 45 minute labor with an 8 minute water birth. A-Maz-Ing. It made me want to be a doula. (Like I REALLY need another shiny career object to catch my eye right now).

Tuesday: Thought it was Monday so I didn't even consider getting I ready for school. The Husband left town on Tuesday (I think?). At some point, I decided to take the kids - yes, all three - to Hobby Lobby, then for a walk at the park, then to Publix. Insanity. Sheer, unadulterated insanity. Between the L in the Bjorn, and N and I in the stupid torture device for moms called the "car cart", I was my own personal three ring circus venturing through the store with my coupons, list, and reusable bags in hand. This might be the point where I completely lost whatever shred of sanity I had left. On the bright side, I spent $65 and saved $80. Woot?

Wednesday: Okay, this was yesterday. I made one loaf of bread. It didn't rise, so I made another. I also made homemade mac & cheese from here. Can you say party in your mouth??? (Thanks, Ree!!!) At any rate, I realized around 1:00 p.m. that it was actually WEDNESDAY, not TUESDAY which meant it was April 15th which meant, oh (insert explicative here!), TAXES have to be filed TODAY!!! After driving to Little Mexico Gwinnett County to pick up some shirts for an order I have to complete - all the while, N was screaming his lungs off for absolutely NO REASON ... yes, the entire two hours in the car... there and back... door to door - I fix dinner, get the kids bathed and in bed, and the house is quiet by 7:00 p.m. Almost. L is up but seems to be content. Again, I realize in a panic that it's the 15th and proceed to spend three hours working on our mind-numbingly confusing taxes. Have I mentioned that I don't do numbers???

Thursday (Today): This is where the edges of sanity and reality really become blurred. In an apparent attempt to show me that she was not going to be ignored, my normally sweet and even-tempered five month old was up the entire night crying. If I fell asleep, she cried. If I put her down, she cried. If I looked at her wrong, she cried. She was only content if I was holding her on my chest and stroking her hair. Under normal circumstances, I honestly wouldn't have minded a single bit. However, considering the lack of sleep the night before because my three year old decided that she needed "breaksmast" at 3:00 in the morning and the subsequent delerium which led me to actually get up and start to fix "breaksmast" at 3:00 in the morning, I was none too happy about L's sudden ploy for my attention. (In all fairness, she's probably teething?) But the thing is, she would smile at me the second I picked her up, and turn on the puppy dog tears the second I lost eye contact. I hope she puts those dramatics to good use some day.

So, here I am. It's now 10:15... ON THURSDAY. I have no earthly idea which end is up or who's on first. I have had two ginormous cups of coffee (which are sure to upset L's stomach), and I've pumped enough sugar into my system to create a diabetic shock in the bionic man. If you could see me (be thankful you can't!), you would know that none of these synthetic attempts to achieve an alert state have worked.

I'm now faced with the question that plagues all mothers at some point: The house is quiet and the two youngest ones are indulging in a morning siesta; do I a) sneak a nap on the couch and risk being my three year old playing "makeup" with marker on my face or b) take a shower... that's hot... by myself.

Thankfully, the markers are washable.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Dear Fairy Godmother

Dear Fairy Godmother,
I know that you've been busy lately. I mean, not only do you have your usual array of little girls asking to become princesses (no thanks to that Cinderella chick!), but now you have Octomom clogging up your email with her requests. That woman just thinks that because she has 4,785,121 children she gets access to you 24/7. Come on, that's not true... is it??? I'm starting to get concerned when my emails bounce back.

Anyway, the reason I'm writing is because quite frankly, I could use some help. I don't need anything fancy... I'm not asking for a house or a prince. All I would like is to have a second vehicle to tote my clan of crumb munchers around in. I'll even find my own fruit or veggie to have you work your magic on. Surely there's a watermelon or a cantelope that could use an upgrade, right?

I'll let you get back to your other emails now. I just wanted to get my request in before you decided you were going to close down wishes for the year. There's a nasty rumor circling around that you might be heading for early retirement. Apparently, between Octomom and the mega-breeders who have been featured over on TLC, your time has just been spread too thin.

I understand. Really, I do. So if it's just easier, then by all means you could have a few of those Mega Million numbers match the ones on my ticket tonight. That should only take a half wave of your magic wand from what I can guess. And should you choose that route, because of the obvious simplicity of effort required of you, be assured that I won't give any of my winnings to Octomom. I don't want her to think that harassing you would actually help. We don't reward inappropriate behavior in my house.

Many thanks in advance, and give my best to Mrs. Charming.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

Sleep Gluttony

Six hours. Six wonderful, blissful, uninterrupted hours.

That's how much sleep I got last night.

For the first time in over a year, I was able to sleep for SIX SOLID HOURS. I cannot even begin to tell you what an amazing event this is for me.

Sleep is something that, before children, I took for granted. I squandered it. I wasted it.

The mental clarity that came within the first ten minutes of waking was completely unprecedented. I never - NEVER - wake up feeling refreshed. Today was a different story.

I went to sleep around midnight last night. Usually, L wakes me up around two, four, six. But this morning, I thought my eyes were deceiving me when I glanced over at the clock and it read 6:02. She had slept for six whole hours.

I erroneously tried to go back to sleep after L finished nursing. That was the gluttonous part. I should have taken my six hours and ran. I woke back up very tired and groggy. Thankfully, however, the previous stretch of sleep won out and I was able to join the land of the living much faster than under normal circumstances.

Aaahhhh, sleep, glorious sleep. Get it while you can.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama

I Should Blog About That...

No less than about a dozen times a day, something happens or a thought crosses my mind that makes me think, "hmmm... I should blog about that." Sadly, I never remember what that event/thought/inspiration was when I finally get upstairs to put my thoughts to the keyboard.

Tonight is a prime example of my flighty brain and it's inability to follow through from thought to transmission.

I was laying down with my youngest watching her sleep when a stroke of brilliance flashed through my mind. I immediately jumped up, got a bowl of ice cream (a necessity!), and came up to our office to start blogging.

That was ten minutes ago. Now I can't remember what I was going to post about.

I do, however, have about a million other snippets running through my head so I guess I'll go ahead and share those. WARNING: Absolute randomness is about to ensue!

1. This bowl of ice cream is absolutely DIVINE! It's Edy's Mint Chocolate Brownie something or other. Yummy!
2. I am now obsessed with Google Reader (Thanks, Elizabeth!!). It is truly a wonderful invention.
3. I broke five needles on my embroidery machine today. Not. Happy.
4. My husband came home from work and asked me if I needed to go take a shower. He watched the kids while I took one this morning. Can you guess how good I must look right now???
5. I love Redbox movies. The highlight of my day (next to this bowl of ice cream) was getting a text this morning with my Free Movie Monday code.
6. My 12 step journey through Facebook addiction seems to be going well. I don't think I even have a current status update posted.
7. I'm trying to decide what I want to do tonight... embroidery, sewing, reading, couponing, sleeping. Yes, I know none of those options are glamarous. It is what it is.

Hopefully I'll have some more inspiring thoughts to share tomorrow. For now, you'll have to be content with the random goodness that I've shared with you today.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama