Why I Don't Do Wal-Mart

I know this should be a Wordless Wednesday post. And I promise, I do have a WW to share with you as soon as I find my daughter's camera.

Instead, you will have to make do with reason number 4,587,986,423 why I Don't Do Wal-Mart.

Indulge me, if you will...

I'm standing in the Wal-Mart checkout near my house (aka, the redneck haven of North Atlanta), and I can tell I'm being watched. Just for your reference, my cart has several travel sized items for my trip to Chi-Town, diapers, pull-ups, milk, and a bottle of wine. Essentials, I tell you. Essentials.

Anyway, as I'm struggling to a) not make eye contact with anyone and b) not drop L OR the bottle of wine on the floor, a lady behind me starts gawking looking at me. Her face goes from horror to pity to this odd look of know-it-all-ishness. I knew what was coming... I've seen that look before.

Lady: Can I help you hon?
Me: (inside voice) First of all, do NOT call me "Hon". You don't know me like that. Second of all, do not even THINK about touching my wine!
"No, thanks. I've got it."

Lady: It does get easier, you know.
Me: (inside voice) Really? Because I think it would be MUCH easier if you chose to NOT impart the "wisdom" that I can foresee coming my way and just let me get out of her asap.
"Laughs Politely and continues unloading cart while avoiding eye contact"

Lady: "I have two children, ages four and nine months. I only shop with them after work. I learned my lesson early on" (Please note that italics and bold face are used here to emphasize the heaviness with which she shared these words)
Me: (inside voice) Inside voice, you better stay inside my head. Your dad's a clergy member and you don't want to get arrested.
"Again, laughs politely. I have three: ages three, two, and six months. I shop when I can."

Lady: "On purpose? Well, you know what causes that and how to stop it."
Me: (inside voice) Yes, on purpose. Just because I live amongst the rednecks does not mean I am one, thank you very much (No offense to any rednecks who might read this blog, by the way. I mean this with the most love and respect possible). And you might as well stop while you're ahead because this cart is almost empty which means that my hands are nearly free enough to beat your elitist bootay!
"Laughs politely"

Wal-Mart Checker: Gingerly hands me the bottle of wine - double bagged - and whispers, "Here honey, so you can put it someplace safe."

Me: Really??? REALLY??? It's WINE, not CRYSTAL METH!!!

Wal-Mart Checker: "So, are you goin' on a trip?"

Me: (inside voice) No, I'm hiding from my stalker-baby-daddy and I'm just hopin' these sample sizes will tide me over 'til I can get me and my baby a nice double wide.
"Yes, my brother is graduating this weekend and I'm going to surprise him"

Wal-Mart Checker and Know-It-All Lady share a look and both say "Oh..."

Lady: "You aren't taking all of them, are you?"

Me: "If you mean "them" as in all three of my children, no. My youngest and I will be flying up." And then, just because I knew I would get a reaction "I'm still breastfeeding her, so wherever I go, she goes.

And with extreme discomfort from The Lady and The Checker, and a satisfied grin on my face, that was the end of the conversation.

Incidentally, I am still proudly breastfeeding. My "Baby Daddy" is the father of all three of my children, and we will be celebrating our seven year anniversary this August. My brother is graduating from Minor Seminary at Loyola of Chicago this weekend. And I have now vowed to never buy wine at Wal Mart again.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama