Facebook Mompetitions

I love Facebook. Love. It. I'm a total junkie thanks to my iPhone facebook app. My favorite status updates are song lyrics, quick quips about odd child behavior, and controversial status updates that ruffle feathers and challenge friends to voice their opinions.

I got on the FarmTown bandwagon. Don't lie - you know you did too. Mafia Wars, anyone? And Island Paradise... I mean really, what's not to like about an island in the middle o' nowhere that has a climate which not only produces such exotic produce from Macadamia trees, Yarro plants, and coffee but also sustains the lives of animals such as Mystic Llamas, English Game Hens, Brown Cows, and Mountain Goats!

I've been known to participate in a quiz or two. And I even (shh, don't tell anyone) briefly joined in Sorority Life. Incidentally, SL ended in pretty much the same way my real life sorority experience ended: excommunication.

All in all, I would say that 90% of the time, it serves the purpose for which I intend it to be utilized for: to connect me to other people with in the real world, the outside world that spans beyond diapers and carpool.

10% of the time, I'm not hitting that "like" button.

There is a sinister side to Facebooking, and I'm not talking about the pedophiles and perverts. That's criminal. What I'm referring to is a different kind of evil... the kind of underhanded manipulatively innocent meanness that only women are capable of inflicting on one another.

Mompetition.

Mompetition refers to the "my kid is smarter/cuter/bigger/better/has less smelly poo than your kid" syndrome. Mompetition takes "I walked 10 miles in the snow uphill both ways barefoot carrying an elimination communication trained llama on my shoulders" one-up-ed-ness to new heights. Mompetition separates classes of super moms from the survival moms (incidentally, I'm in the latter class and am just fine with it!). Mompetition is what undermines the female mom psyche and destroys the very fibers that should be woven through our sisterhood. (Okay, so maybe I got a tad carried away with the sisterhood thing. I'm trying to make a point here!)

I truly believe that some mompetitions are completely accidental: In an attempt to explain my lack of sanity, I post a status update on my Facebook profile that outlines why I haven't had time to shower when it is already 5:30 in the evening. And while I realize that most people don't particularly care WHY I am smelly, there is some comfort in at least putting it out on the table that hey, I may smell worse than that llama I've been carrying, but it really has been one hell of a day!

But what happens when the to-do list of the super mom overachiever becomes a daily reminder to survival mom that someone else is always bigger/better/faster/stronger than she is? Every once in a while, its great to get those thumbs-up "likes" and "wow, you're my hero" comments. At some point, and I'm just being honest here, the supermom's platform for seeking validation and reinforcement goes too far.

Whether we intend to or not, we are challenging one another to a Facebook Mompetition when the daily accomplishment list becomes as regular as the horoscope app update in our news feeds.

I don't know about you, but I have many professional friends, moms included, and they don't post how many briefs they finished, how many orders they fulfilled, and how many fires they put out at work. And not once have I personally ever seen a single one of my childless friends post their daily to do's and accomplishments. Quite frankly, I don't know many people who give a rats patootie about it either. No offense, of course.

Not only do our mompetitions pit the SAHM's of the world against one another, but they also pit the SAHM's against the WOHM's in a very subliminal way. When I was a WOHM, I struggled to balance work life and home life. As a SAHM, I struggle to balance home life and, well, home life. We are ALL doing the best we can, but is it really necessary to update daily about the fact that your six month old perfectly potty trained child can also ask for cheese and crackers in Latin, French, and Sanskrit, and is learning the origins of the Gregorian calendar - all before his/her Bento lunch of cute and cuddly veggie creatures? I'm struggling to teach my two year old that poop is not finger paint and that there is a world beyond goldfish crackers and PB&J. And the mom next to me secretly wishes that she was the one teaching her child that dog food is not intended to be placed up the cat's nose instead of having that task passed onto the nanny.

At the end of the day, "THE social networking site" can either help or hurt all of us. Ultimately, no one can control what his or her friends post. And we can choose to hit the "hide all posts from John Smith" button in our news feed. But, should we really have to?

I'm just saying...

And by the way, if you were able to teach a llama elimination communication, I really would have to bow down to you and hit that "like" button.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama