As If You Needed More of My Opinions...

After I posted about Facebook Mompetitions, I started thinking I should take some of my own advice.

Now don't get too excited here. I stand by what I said. However, I think that I missed one critical point.

No matter who you are, where you fall on the parenting spectrum, or what kind of mom/daughter/wife/partner/sister/friend you strive to be, there is one very important thing that cannot be forgotten: Own it.

I spent most (okay, all) of my teen years and the majority of my twenties comparing myself to the women around me and trying to be "perfect" for whomever's affections and approval I sought to gain. I spent the first few years of parenthood trying to live up to some idealistic expectation of who I thought I should be as a mom. Then I realized that not only was I causing myself a world of stress and unnecessary postpartum trauma, but I was also doing my children a huge disservice. Instead of loving myself and embracing that I am imperfectly perfect, I constantly compared myself to other moms, wives, and women in general.

The light switch finally went on when I realized that it is okay to be in survival mode - to be SURVIVAL MOM. That doesn't mean that I don't still fall into the trap of comparing myself to others. I have yet to meet a woman (who is completely honest with herself) who doesn't occasionally do the mental measure-up. But at the end of the day, I have had to find what works best for ME and for MY FAMILY. I am in survival mode 99.9% of the time. And you know what? I'm completely fine with that.

I had a friend who was asking for my opinions on disciplining her child. As I read through her email, I realized that she wasn't looking for advice. She was looking for validation.

Babies don't come with handbooks. Partners don't come with a "how-to" guide. Most of the time we have to trust our gut or go with examples. What happens when those examples portray perfection and don't compliment our gut feelings? We question ourselves. We undermine our own abilities to make sound decisions and trust our judgment. By constantly comparing ourselves to one another and by listening to the "expert" ideas about what a mom/daughter/wife/partner/sister/friend should be, we are turning down the voice of our own expert intuition.

I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I can say from experience that when I turn up the volume on my own intuition and tune out the external noise, I am the best I can be - even when I am in survival mode. I have learned to take the advice found in books, dvd's, expert forums, and from super moms with a grain of salt and trust myself as much as possible. I remind myself that my children, my husband, and my life were all entrusted to me to take care of in the best way that I can possibly do.

At the end of the day, if every decision I make and every action I take comes from love, I know I'm always doing the right thing in my own imperfectly perfect way.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama