Love Letters

Dear People of Dunwoody,
If your dog decides to poo on the sidewalk, kindly pick it up.  I do not appreciate stepping in your dog's presents.
Love, The Mama

Dear Mohawk Monster,
Running around yelling that you are "A BIG BOY NOW" does not mean that you are not in trouble for throwing the car across the room and pushing your baby sister.  Actions speak louder than words, no matter how loud you yell them.
Love, The Mama

Dear Spammers,
Just because I have a Spanish-sounding last name does not mean that I understand Spanish.  You can kindly remove me from your Viagra por La Mujer distribution list.
Love, The Mama

Dear Google/Gmail,
Please look up the Spanish words for "penis" and "vagina".  The Hispanic/Latino spammers have figured out a way to get around your filters.
Love, The Mama

Dear Lil Bit,
I know you come by your temper naturally, but we really, really need to work on the screaming.  Someone is going to call DFCS on me.
Love, The Mama

Dear Piles of Laundry,
Please practice abstinence or learn how to use birth control.  You are multiplying faster than I can keep up with you.
Love, The Mama

Dear Mini-Me,

At some point you will need to accept the fact that being a princess does not get you out of cleaning your own room.  I should not need to remind you of this every. single. day.

Love, The Mama

Dear Northside Hospital,
You can either politely take my $20 payment or you can hold on until you rise to the top of the snowball list.  However, paying an individual who does not speak proper English yell at me because I won't pay you $53.29 every two weeks will not accomplish the goal you have set out to achieve.  Just sayin'...
Love, The Mama

Dear Paperwork,
Please see the note sent to Piles of Laundry.  The same applies to you.
Love, The Mama

Dear Dogs,
Really? REALLY???  I have a spray bottle and I am not afraid to use it.
Love, The Mama

Dear Barefoot Pinot Grigio,
While I appreciate the relaxation qualities imparted last night, the headache you left behind for me today was rude and unwelcome.  You will not be invited back.
Love, The Mama

Dear Calgon,
Take me away.
Love, The Mama