Between a Rock and a Mohawk

Have you ever heard the phrase, "Ignore inappropriate behavior?"

I have.  A LOT.  I think it is the mantra my mom and dad decided to adopt the minute I came out screaming.

It is a known fact that kids will do anything when they want attention.  It is also fairly proven that if you ignore the negative behaviors and reinforce the positive ones the negative behavior will, generally speaking, cease to exist.

I said generally speaking because as with everything in my little family, my own offspring do not follow this commonality.

I discovered over the past week that my middle child, The Mohawk Monster, does not tolerate being ignored well.  He also doesn't tolerate spanking, time out, naughty squares, yelling, whispered threats, rational discussion or any other form of punishment or redirection.

So what's a mom left to do??

In my son's case, it means that every day I have to re-evaluate what will get through to him and how we are going to survive our waking hours with minimal disruption and tantrum time.

I've learned one thing for certain: ignoring inappropriate behavior does NOT work.  I don't know if it's typical "middle child" syndrome, being three, being the sibling of overbearing girls, or just the general stubborn genetic makeup that he has been cursed with, but you simply cannot just ignore my little M&M.   He will scream.  He will squeal.  He will throw himself on the floor in a fit.  He will vocalize until his throat must certainly be raw.  And he will not stop until he has been acknowledged.

Sounds like fun doesn't it.

M&M will continue pitching a fit for over an hour if left to his own devices.  The longest I've gone on letting him tantrum has maxed out at right around one hour and 25 minutes.  I was afraid the neighbors would call DFCS on me.  And for the record, I hadn't done anything except put him in his room and ignore his screaming and tantrum-throwing.

It's a difficult balancing act to adhere to.  On the one hand, I don't want to nurture a brat.  On the other, I am trying to understand his needs and be the kind of parent he deserves.  Parenting cannot be done with a One Size Fits All approach.  Each child has different demands and responds to different reinforcers.  Sure, I need to also teach my kids that they need to be flexible because things won't always be done "their way".  But it is challenging to figure out when, how, where, and why to enforce the flexibility lesson when you have a painfully inflexible child.

It's a thing called survival.  And in our case, with three children between the ages of one and four, I have to try and do what will be best for everyone - myself included.

For now, as far as parenting goes, I am waging the war of discipline in a difficult space with my son.  He is sweet as can be when he wants to be... but God help us all if he feels he isn't being heard.  He has an enormous vocabulary but doesn't possess the emotional maturity to know how to always use his words to express his needs.  He is, after all, only three.

So I will let him continue to teach me patience, and I will continue to try and teach him appropriateness.  But if you see me in the store being "that mom", just please understand that it is the approach that is working for us today.

Love, hugs, and blessing.