Love Letters

Dear Bank of America,
I think you know where you can kindly shove your fees.
Love, Jennifer

Dear a-hole in the blue porsche,
Yes, you did deserve the finger. You almost hit me - and my kids. Were you not picking your nose and talking on your phone while revving your engine on your overpriced car through the intersection you would have seen my BIG RED STROLLER.
Love, Jennifer

Dear collection agent #1,
If you are going to call my number, please at least attempt to pronounce my name correctly. Jennifer is a VERY common name. Get it right.
Love, JENN-I-FER

Dear collection agent #2,
Get in line.
Love, Jennifer

Dear Scruffy,
While I appreciate your attempt at "aiming" for something to deposit your poop into, I would appreciate it if you would at least wait until you get outside... your food bowl is NOT a toilet.
Love, Jennifer

Dear Noah,
Screaming and throwing a temper tantrum will not result in you getting your way. I will win.
Love, Mommy

Dear wrong-number caller,
My name is not Monisha. Had you LISTENED to the recording the first time and paid attention when I said YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER the second time you called, you would probably have realized that. Calling back two more times won't change that fact. And no, I do not think it is possible for you to come over this afternoon to see the house. I DO NOT KNOW YOU! Did you not get that you have the wrong number after the second time I explained it to you?
Love, JENNIFER

Dear collection agent #1,
Nothing has changed between 9:00 this morning and 3:00 this afternoon. I have not found a money tree, nor has a wealthy relative died. You may now move to the back of the line.
Love, Jennifer

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama