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Dear Family,
First of all, let me tell you how much I love you. I adore you. I love you more than all the stars in the sky and all the grains of sand on the earth combined.

That being said, I have just a couple of simple requests.

1. Could we please work on the tattling? I mean, really... is it necessary to tell me EVERY SINGLE TIME one of you looks at the other one? It isn't a criminal offense. And the wrath of The Mama will not come down on your beloved sibling simply because he/she looked in your direction. I also cannot control the extent to which the dogs look at you.

2. I, you are not moving to California on Monday. Nor can you skip ages 4 through 12 so you can immediately become a teenager. Furthermore, simply becoming a teenager will not entitle you to a spring break trip. If anything, this will prevent you from EVER SEEING THE LIGHT OF DAY on spring break. And for the record, repeatedly asking will not make me change my mind. And while I find it impressive that you have grasped the concept not only of States and Ages, but also of alternatives when one door closes, the window for you to move Hawaii in lieu of California will not be opening anytime before you are 18. I also commend your persistence. Asking more than 70 times in the course of three hours is impressive. But I will not be worn down... yet. Oh, and you cannot marry your brother. Or Chewie. I'm just saying...

3. N, your creativity is amazing. However, I really don't want to have to remind you again that your slice of pizza is NOT a golf club. Chewie's head is also not a golf ball. Scruffy is not a tractor to be ridden on. Your baby sister is also not a toy to be dragged around the house, although for the life of me I cannot figure out why her blood curdling screams every time you touch her have not alerted you to this already. And the way you say Sowee is adorable, but no matter how cute you are, you cannot repeatedly hit Sissy in the head and say "sowee" each time. It doesn't make it hurt any less, or prevent you from getting in trouble.

4. Hubs... really? Watch the news? Cars has played six times in the last four days; Tinkerbell has played twice. And when I get online, I'm much more concerned with my Farmtown skills than with the fast track on the crap train that our country is heading down. I need less stress in my life, not more. Google reader and Facebook are my bff's. It's not that I'm a space cadet. But lately, I need my happy place when the house gets quiet.

5. Dogs, please remember that YOU ARE DOGS!! You are not entitled to eat the food that I feed my human babies. And children, I appreciate your generosity, but please don't share your sandwiches and pop-tarts with the four-legged friends in our house. I clean up enough poop as it is.

I adore you all.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
The Mama